A couple days ago, one of my professors asked me if I had a blog. I didn’t. I never really wanted one. I mean, I had vaguely considered starting one before, but never seriously. I enjoy writing (sometimes) but I also enjoy privacy, and I rarely show anyone the things I write. There’s also the fact that my life and opinions are honestly not that interesting.
That last statement was not based on some sort of false modesty – My life consists of a few predictable and repeating events. So when I decided to just go for it anyway (mostly because I have nothing better to do), I was at a complete loss as to how to start.
And then I accidentally superglued my sister’s sheets together.
If you are a human being reading my blog (and not some sort of spambot), then you’ve probably seen at least one sitcom episode where somebody accidentally glues their hand to a chair or to their best friends pants, and hi-jinks ensue. (If you are a spambot, you’ve probably delivered spyware to someone who was streaming one of those episodes.) Anyway, what you might be wondering is how it’s possible for a real person to be stupid enough to do such a thing. It’s simple.
1) Be jet-lagged
Me and my family had just gotten back from a 2 week stay in Arizona. We went from Arizona to California to Germany to Jordan, and we arrived in Amman at about 4 am. I ended up sleeping in to about 5:30 pm and then staying up all night. The next day? Superglue happened.
2) Be distracted
I had just got home from seeing my best friend, who had bought the glue to “fix” her phone and left it in my car. I took it in with me, walked up the stairs and saw my sister. She was like, “Hey! Come sit with me!” And I said, “Sure!” and I sat down on her bed. Then my cousin came over and we all sat in there for another hour or so.
3) Be a moron
Superglue is not super. In fact, I don’t think it’s even real GLUE. It is horrifying stuff. In a nut shell? Don’t leave a tube of almost-closed superglue on your sister’s bed for over an hour. Because that shit will set and will make a little clot-like glop of superglue that can never be removed. We worked nail polish remover into that thing for like 40 minutes with absolutely no results. Then I accidentally got the nail polish remover on my sister’s wooden night stand and took off some of the finish. That kind of thing makes it hard to argue with me: I am a moron.
The best part was when my dad came stomping up the stairs with a bottle of lawnmower gas, with this “I’m the man, I know what I’m doing” look. In the end, it didn’t do any good…It just mad her room smell bad on top of everything else. We had to cut the sheet free from the mattress pad, and where the glue landed, there’s still a little superglue clot. And the whole time this was going on, my sister got madder and madder…while I was steadily finding the situation more and more hilarious. My cousin said she was amused at least. She said she missed us.
I can see why. We’re awesome.